


Cole's First...

by Magical_Persona



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cole growing as a person, Cole is more human, F/M, M/M, Mentioned Iron Bull/Dorian, i think it's cute, mentioned lavellen/solas, most of the relationships aren't delved into, they're just kinda there - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-14 04:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9160624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Persona/pseuds/Magical_Persona
Summary: This is just going to be a series of drabbles consisting of the things that Cole had to deal with now that he's human. Each chapter will probably include Cole interacting with different characters than the previous ones. The more drabbles I write the more characters will appear in the tags.I feel like I should also say I have this head canon of Dorian and The Iron Bull sort of taking Cole under their wing as protectors and parents while Varric is sort of that uncle or grandparent that spoils him.





	1. ...Meal

“Cole,” Dorian sounded about at his wits end. He was sitting across from the young man, each with a small plate in front of them. Dorian’s plate was empty, but Cole hadn’t touched his food.

“I don’t like it,” Cole replied.

“You aren’t a spirit anymore,” Dorian reminded him. “You fell in the middle of training because you aren’t eating.”

“The healers gave me tea,” Cole said as though that solved everything.

“Tea only goes so far,” Dorian tried to explain. “It will only give you a little bit of strength, but it won’t help you recover.” Dorian didn’t want to threaten the boy with being locked up here until he started eating, but he was running out of options. If he didn’t think of something he’d have to become his father and that terrified him.

“I can’t. I can’t become him. Those eyes, staring back, angry. Filled with hate, not at first, but later. Anger building behind a dam, waiting to break. To swallow everything in its path,” Cole’s voice was quiet. The dead eyes that had slowly been gaining life were locked on to Dorian. “You can choose who you want to be.”

“Cole, one problem at a time,” Dorian said gesturing to the boy’s food.

Cole’s brow furrowed, but he took a deep breath before slowly picking up the slice of bread. It started to fall apart on his hand and he looked at Dorian helplessly.

“It’s alright,” Dorian assured him. “It’s supposed to do that.”

Cole took another look at the bread before forcing himself to put it in his mouth. It clumped at the back of his throat as he chewed and he struggled to swallow it before coughing.

Dorian pushed the former spirit’s drink toward Cole. “Take smaller bites next time.”

“It clumps,” Cole said. “It doesn’t want to be eaten.”

“That bread it supposed to.” Dorian said with a shake of his head, though a small smile had found its way to his face.

Cole pouted behind his glass before setting it down on the table.

“Why don’t you try the cheese?” Dorian suggested.

“I don’t want to,” Cole said quietly.

“Cole,” Dorian’s voice had reached a warning level.

Cole didn’t really understand it. When he was a spirit they had been afraid of him. Their voices had been quiet and their thoughts loud. Now that he was more real, more human, their thoughts were quiet and their voices much louder.

He didn’t like the voices as much. They hurt more and lied more and sometimes there were things he didn’t understand. Like when Dorian said he could do something but then Dorian was mad when he did it.

Hesitantly, Cole took a tiny nibble from the small, square block of cheese. He then looked at Dorian before biting off about half of the cheese block. It did something similar to the bread. Clumping at the back of his mouth like it was trying to choke him. This time he had been expecting it. Plus, the cheese had a flavor, he liked how it tasted. The bread hadn’t had a flavor, only clumps. At least the cheese tried to make up for it.

“I like the cheese,” Cole admitted after the block he had been given was gone.

Dorian rolled his eyes. “I gathered that, but it’s good to know you’ll try something if someone bothers you enough.”


	2. ...Talk with Solas as Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cole tries his best to talk to Solas after some convincing from Iron Bull.

Cole had been a bit more cautious around Solas. The former spirit knew Solas wasn’t pleased with what he had become, but now here the two of them were helping the inquisitor. The Iron Bull was with them, taking up the rear when they walked, but when the fighting started he was in front of the party, protecting them like they were his Chargers.

“Horns up,” Cole whispered to himself, catching the Bull’s attention.

“You say somethin’ kid?” Bull asked, glancing toward the slightly more human ghost-thing.

“Don’t know where they are. Could be hurt. Good kids, shame to lose them now,” Cole said, a bit more loudly.

Bull made a small noise, the inquisitor couldn’t really tell if it was time to step in or if the two of them would be alright. She’d let it go for now.

“They’re okay,” Cole said quietly. “Dorian is with them. He’s worried about you too.”

“Dorian went with them?” Bull asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

Cole nodded. “Know how much he cares. Kaffas, blundering buffoon. Have to take care of the kidies while the Bull’s away.”

The Iron Bull let out a laugh and even the inquisitor had trouble hiding her smile.

Solas glanced over to see Cole smiling. He had helped and Solas was proud of the boy. A shame he wasn’t a spirit anymore, but at least he was still Cole. He still wanted to help.

Lavellan set her bags down at the camp and looked about to collapse. It didn’t surprise anyone that Solas was at her side in an instant. The two spoke in low tones as Bull and Cole stood back at the edge of camp.

Bull glanced down at the boy. He was slowly beginning to be able to read the boy. Spirits were hard to read, they didn’t move right, but humans he could read. Luckily for him, Cole was on his way to being human. Cole was more twitchy than usual and quieter. He had learned that Cole’s quiet only came when he was spending time in his head than someone else’s and that wasn’t always a good sign.

“You worry about everyone,” Cole said looking up at Bull. “Even me.”

“I’ve told you before: we’re good as long as you don’t do any weird crap.” The Bull replied.

“But I did weird crap,” Cole pointed out.

“Bull!” Lavellan called. “I hope you’re not teaching Cole to cuss.”

Bull rolled his eyes. That would be the only part of the conversation she heard. “I think I can come up with something more creative than crap. But if you don’t want him learning keep him away from Dorian and Varric.”

He turned back to where Cole had been only to find he wasn’t there anymore. Despite being more human he still had a slightly frightening habit of disappearing without a trace. A quick glance told him the boy was by the fire, talking with one of the scouts.

“Cole?” Bull asked drawing the boy’s attention.

Both Cole and the scout looked at him curiously, though the scout’s eyes held a hint of fear.

“Why don’t you help me with the packs?” Bull asked.

Cole nodded, appearing by the packs within a heartbeat. Bull didn’t have that luxury and had to walk there.

“You wanted to talk,” Cole said quietly. “That’s why you want me to help. You don’t need help The Iron Bull.”

Bull looked down at the kid before pushing the hat further down over the boy’s eyes. “Of course I don’t need help. I’m The Iron Bull, Kid.” Then Bull became more serious. “You’re more twitchy than usual. Something on your mind?”

“What do I do now?” Cole asked and for a moment Bull thought he was replying to his question. The next words dashed that hope. “She’s not coming back. She’s gone.”

“Cole, your mind, not someone else’s,” Bull replied, only half faking his exasperation as he began unpacking his bag.

“I…Solas doesn’t like me much now,” Cole said. “Not how he should be. Not human. Never meant to be this way. Should have let go. Things would be better. Now…” Cole’s brow furrowed before looking in Solas’ direction. “He pushes me out. It’s hard to know what he thinks sometimes.”

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Bull said pushing the boy toward where Solas stood. “Actually talk,” he added in a sterner voice. “Not reach into his head.”

Cole lowered his head, Bull almost swore it was in embarrassment, but he couldn’t be entirely sure. He watched as the boy slowly walked to the elf. Cole was dragging his feet, almost literally. He must be more nervous than he was letting on. Damn, the kid picked up on how to hide emotions faster than anything else.

Solas heard Cole approaching, but did nothing save spare the young man a half glance.

“Solas,” Cole’s voice was quiet, almost nervous.

Solas’ face twitched into a grimace, which he quickly hid. Though the emotions were harder to hide as quickly.

Cole sensed them and shook his head. “I don’t understand. I know that. I had a choice that wasn’t mine, but was. It made me different. Either way would have made someone mad. Did I make the wrong choice? Did I do something wrong?”

Solas sighed. Therein lied the question. No one could know which one was the right decision, but Solas would have preferred it if Cole had become more like spirit.

“Only you can answer that, Cole,” Solas said gently. “How do you feel?”

“Realer,” Cole replied slowly. “Like what I say sticks. People see me. It’s…odd, but nice. I think. I liked it when they forgot, but now they aren’t afraid. Now they don’t have to forget. I can’t start over though. I get to talk now, though. Talking is nice. And Sera and Vivienne aren’t afraid of me…well, as much and Blackwall too. Dorian is teaching me to read and Varric is helping me with clothes.” Then he crossed his arms and pouted. “I like my hat.”

Solas, as much as he hated to admit it, smiled at that. Maybe he could tolerate this new Cole. He was still a spirit of compassion, but now he had more layers. Under all of them there was still a need to help.

“I think I get it, though,” Cole said. “It’s hard to know. The right choices aren’t always the easy ones. And we don’t always know if they’re right. We just make them.” He looked back to where Lavellan’s tent was.

“Did you get all of that from our Inquisitor’s head?” Solas asked.

Cole only nodded slowly. “But it’s not wrong.”

“No. It most certainly isn’t wrong,” Solas replied.


	3. ...Time Asking for Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably not one of my better drabbles. I really wanted Cole to do something like this for Cullen, but Cullen and Blackwall are apparently more difficult for me to write than I thought they were going to be.

Cullen was supervising the recruits. It’s what he did every day, but today something felt off. He couldn’t quite put his foot on it. The recruits were coming along as well as could be expected. The lyrium called a bit more than usual, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Still, it felt like someone was watching him. When he tried to look, he saw no one.

By the time he had given up and accepted this was going to stick with him for a while Cole appeared beside him. As much as he loathed to admit it, he jumped.

“Cole!” the commander hissed removing his hand from the hilt of his sword. Instinct was instinct, after all.

“Sorry,” Cole said quietly, but didn’t leave. “Cullen, can I ask you something?”

Cullen gave the former spirit an uncertain look. Cole didn’t speak to him much and rarely asked his own questions. The young man was usually more content to pry than to ask. Still, if Cole was here at least he wasn’t bothering Sera or Vivienne. He wouldn’t have to hear those complaints later. Why they didn’t go to Varric or the Inquisitor he’d never figure out.

“What is it?” Cullen asked moving through the wave of recruits. “Use your shield! You have it for a reason!”

Cole followed, listening to the tangents of Cullen’s mind while the man was still able to focus on the task at hand. Honestly, Cole preferred listening to the former Templar’s mind rather than speaking to him.

“Some of them hold their shield like you…the ones with the song,” Cole said quietly. “But the others hold it differently. The ones from the villages and farms.”

Cullen was a bit disappointed in himself when he had to think about what Cole was asking.

“With the song?” He muttered to himself, before understanding. “The Templars?”

“Yes,” Cole said quietly. “They fought like that at the spire too. Shields angled down. But why? Doesn’t stop arrows well…why down?”

“We were trained to fight demons, not archers,” Cullen explained. “When you angle your shield down it stops acid and spray from hitting you in the face. Angles it away from you. See?”

Cole tilted his head as he watched Cullen demonstrated with his shield. That made sense, but then…

“Why aren’t you teaching them to do it?” Cole asked. “They’re fighting demons too.”

“When we start fighting demons in a large-scale battle it won’t matter.” Cullen snapped away from Cole for a moment. “If they can’t learn to hold a shield in the first place they won’t make it!” He then turned back to Cole. “Most of them already know the basics of holding a shield. The time it would take to retrain them to hold it is not worth it when you consider that it only adds a slight bit of security.”

Cole was silent for a moment. Listening to Cullen’s thoughts. _Too much time. I wish I could. Might allow for more individuals to survive. In the grand scheme, though…_

“I understand,” Cole stated before Cullen stormed to watch a pair of recruits fight.

“Your sword is no better than a lump of iron if you’re going to keep dropping it,” Cullen sounded near finished with this day.

Cole tilted his head before disappearing. He had a feeling he knew what Cullen needed. He would have to come up with a creative way to turn the commander’s room into a pond without actually flooding it. He was pretty sure that would make everything worse.

He sat on the wall of Skyhold for a moment, thinking. He had to do that now, think before he acted. People could see him now and sometimes they asked to help. It was weird, being asked if he needed help. He was supposed to help not be helped. That was also very hard to get people to understand so he just tried to stay out of sight. It was easier that way, more familiar.

He went through the list of things he would need in his head. He frowned. He would need to borrow somethings and build others. A jar, that would be easy to get a hold of. They had a lot of them in the kitchen. But wood small enough to make what he wanted. That would be hard. He’d have to ask for help.

Cole went for the jar first. That was the easiest thing, then he dug through the garden and found the smallest pebbles he could. They sat at the bottom of the jar and he smiled. There was more to do, of course. He picked up a small piece of moss, tucking it into the bottom of the jar.

His face was one of concentration as he took a small stick and moved things around in the jar until they were perfect. Then he went to find Blackwall. He was in the stables, of course.

He liked the horses, and having all the room to work. Cole watched the man work, perched on one of the stall doors. He knew better than to bother Blackwall while he was carving. A saw nearly thrown at him and Varric’s stern words. He learned.

The horse in that particular stall poked at his hat, causing Cole to let out a whine of displeasure.

“That’s my hat,” Cole said to the horse. “You can’t have it.”

The horse snorted, but didn’t leave him alone until he had hopped down and moved to sit on a haybale.

“Cole, did you need something?” Blackwall asked, setting down his things. He looked at the rocking horse he had been finishing. It wasn’t quiet done, but it would be finished soon.

“Um…yes,” Cole said holding out the jar. “I know it’s little…but a bridge would be nice…not a bridge…the other thing. It’s wooden, like a bridge, but doesn’t go across the water, only out. Just touches it. Maybe, reaches a wooden hand into the water. Water lapping at its legs.”

“A pier, Cole.” Blackwall said, taking the jar. “It’s called a pier.”

Cole nodded, filing away the word for later. He watched as Blackwall examined the contents of the jar.

“Are you helping someone?” Blackwall asks, setting the jar on a bench before pulling at scrap pieces of timber.

Cole nodded. “Yes. One more. One more. Almost done, maybe if I help someone else. If I help someone. I could do that. Help. It would be nice. Make a difference.”

“Cole,” Blackwall’s voice was tight. “Stop.”

Cole pulled his hat down a bit further, embarrassed. He moved to the rafters, watching as Blackwall worked. The man’s mind went blank as he did so. He focused on what he was doing. His hands moved and his brain didn’t run. The hurts were quiet, if only for a little while. The former spirit found himself smiling.

“Here,” Blackwall said, after a few moments. He looked around for Cole before the boy hopped down beside him. Despite having been expecting it, Blackwall started.

“Thank you,” Cole said taking the jar and the small pier before disappearing.

Blackwall sighed, shaking his head. “One of these days he’s going to scare someone into a heart attack. Then where will he be?”

 

Cole placed the jar, with the pier now inside on Cullen’s desk. The Commander was almost done with training the recruits. Cole could sense the relief rolling off the man, but the tense feeling was still with him. Cole hoped his gift would make Cullen a little happier. Then, before Cullen could open the door, Cole was gone.

The young man had returned to his spot in the Herald’s Rest, sitting atop the barrels. If anyone had been paying attention to him they would have seen him smile behind the brim of his hat, but no one would have attributed it to the commander’s change in mood.


	4. ...Brush With Death

Cole was sitting on the wall at Skyhold. The snow was coming down hard that day and piling up. He had only been on the wall a few minutes and the brim of his hat was already sagging with the weight of freshly fallen snow.

He was watching The Iron Bull and Krem train. He was far too invested with his own thoughts to realize they were both dressed warmly. Krem wore thicker clothing than usual and even The Iron Bull had on a pair of boots more suited for the cold than the ones he normally wore.

As far as Cole could tell Krem seemed to get better with each passing day. The Iron Bull was worried, though. After what happened with the dreadnought. Cole had been there, he remembered the hurt that went through The Iron Bull.

The life he once had or the one he had now. He hadn’t weighed it fast enough. The Inquisitor chose for him. The Iron Bull had been glad someone else made the call. Was glad to see his Chargers made it out alive. It made him feel like less of a traitor. He was still Tal Vashoth, but it hurt less.

Now Cole kicked his heels against the stone. The noise helped him focus, made his body less jittery. He listened to The Iron Bull’s thoughts.

 _I can’t let it happen._ There were flashes of a dream that seemed all too real. The Chargers were overwhelmed. One by one he watched then fall. Each one blaming him. Their deaths would be his fault. _Too young to die. What was I thinking, dragging them into this?_

Krem hit his shield against The Iron Bull’s particularly hard. Not enough to push the larger Qunari back, but enough to surprise him.

The Iron Bull’s fear slipped away. The pain of the nightmare was still there, but considerably less.

“They can take care of themselves,” Cole whispered to himself before swinging his legs over the wall and walking away.

He was still getting used to walking. Varric and Blackwall had told him if he wanted to be human he would have to get used to walking, not just hopping from one place to the next. Walking was slower though and not nearly as fun.

It did mean he heard more, though. He could hear snippets of conversations he would have otherwise missed. He heard about how the healers weren’t having as many problems now. He also heard about how Stiches, the Chargers’ healer, helped one of the wounded. Probably saved the man’s life.

Sometimes he was able to see Cassandra reading the newest of Varric’s novels. He liked it when she read to him. He’d heard it through Varric, but when Cassandra read it, it was different. It sounded better, more creative, well thought-out, and beautiful.

Varric had laughed when he tried to explain it. Not an upset laugh, or a mean one, but one of understanding. Then he had added, “That’s how it should be.”

Cole looked around for a moment and felt odd. Off in a way he wasn’t used to. It was like his body was responding too slowly and his brain wasn’t working.  He could think, but the thoughts were slow. He was used to getting incomplete thoughts from others, but his were usually complete. Having thoughts drop in the middle bothered him.

That was when he stumbled. He couldn’t have been sure if it had been over his own feet or a rock. Both were possibilities. What he did know was that his arms didn’t want to move. His legs weren’t working either. It was then that he felt the biting cold through the thin shirt he wore.

The wind tore through him so thoroughly that he wasn’t sure how he had gone without noticing it before. Varric had warned him about not listening to his body, but he couldn’t help it. There was so much pain that sometimes his got lost in it all. He just had to get rid of everyone else’s before his became too much to bare.

By that time Cole would usually collapse from exhaustion or dehydration or lack of food. Granted, the first two were more common than the latter.

Cole shivered, he didn’t like that. It made him feel like he was trembling. That was what your body did when it was scared, he knew that. He wasn’t scared right now, though. He was just cold. He wanted to feel warm. He could almost imagine Dorian using his fire magic to make the area warm as he frequently did.

He could feel the snow landing on his cheeks and laying there. It stuck to his eyelashes like it was trying to hold them together. Once more he tried to get up and once again he failed. Nothing wanted to listen to him. Everything was tired and he was tired too.

Cole could be sure how long he had laid there before his eyes drifted shut. He wasn’t used to sleeping, usually he had trouble getting it to work for him. This time it didn’t want to let him go. Even when he felt someone touch him, albeit lightly. Something, even in his nearly unconscious state, told him they were warry of him. He heard a sharp voice, but it was too far away to make out the words.

 

“Can you imagine what our Darling Inquisitor will say when she gets back?” A strong voice was the first thing Cole heard as he began to wake. “Madam, what have you done to keep yourself occupied?” Vivienne gave a little laugh with no humor in it. “Nothing much, My Dear, just kept your pet demon from freezing to death. If he’s going to play the part of a human do you think you could have Solas teach him how to play properly? Some of us don’t have the time for baby-sitting.”

Cole didn’t mind the woman’s ramblings. He leaned against the warm stones to his back. He was wrapped in something, a blanket by the feel of it. It was soft against his cheek and he smiled a bit. Cole was content to stay like that, eyes closed, taking in the warmth of the fire place until the back of his head hit the stone. That wasn’t right. His head shouldn’t have done that. His hat should have…His hat!

Cole’s eyes flew open. “My hat!”

Vivienne looked up from where she had been patching a new tear in Cole’s beloved hat and sighed.

“Not even a thank you for saving your life,” Vivienne remarked. “I shouldn’t have expected anything less of a demon. They only care for themselves.”

Cole looked at his hat, head tilted slightly. He knew she would shy away if he looked at her directly.

“You talk to yourself a lot,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Vivienne replied as though there was an obvious reason. “Sometimes one needs expert advice.”

“Is Lavellan not back?” He asked.

“Inquisitor to you, Demon,” Vivienne corrected him. “I should speak to her about informal she is with her followers.”

“She wants friends, not followers,” Cole tried to point out. “Friends. That’s what I want. Friends will follow you because they want to. Happily, bringing fun. Followers feel they have to. They won’t point out a flaw. A friend will help. Joke about the flaws then fix them. Followers only want to please. Don’t like fakes.”

“Nobody likes fakes, Demon,” Vivienne pointed out in her clipped tone. “One more reason you should go back to the fade where you belong.”

“A smile. Not for me. Never for me. Don’t care what I want. Only what I can get them. What they get for being near me. How they shine. Bask in what I made.” Cole’s voice was fast as Vivienne’s thoughts flew into his mind and then out again.

“Out, Demon,” Vivienne commanded.

Cole nodded. He still listened to her hurt. It didn’t go away just because she told him to stop. He didn’t work like that, but he did keep quiet.

Vivienne reveled in the moment of silence before turning back to the last few stiches. “There may be hope for you yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it turns out Cole and Vivienne are the easiest characters for me to write. Go figure.


	5. ...Heart to Heart

Sera didn’t like him. He knew that and had long accepted it. Even though he was more human now she still didn’t trust him. Though, it had gotten better. It had gone from no interaction to arrows pinning letters to his door.

Cole was okay with this. He didn’t mind. Actually, he kind of liked this. Interacting with Sera was hard. She was loud. Usually, too loud. He couldn’t talk to her for very long or his head would thud like someone was hitting it with The Iron Bull’s big war hammer. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.

When he heard the thud of an arrow against his door he jumped. It was harder now, to tell what the people around him would do. Unless he was beside them he couldn’t always hear their hurts. He was a hurt for Sera. Anytime she thought about him he had felt it before. Now it was like an afterthought, just barely brushing against his mind.

He waited a moment, not wanting to open the door and scare her. Best to wait until she was down the stairs. Cole opened the door slowly before taking the arrow and the note.

He wasn’t surprised to find a picture of a butt drawn on the parchment. What surprised him was the request.

_Hey, Creepy, Roof. Now._

Cole tilted his head as he placed the paper in his pocket. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the sounds of everyone else in Skyhold. It wasn’t easy, considering he hadn’t learned how to block his own thoughts. When he had joined the Inquisition, he had learned everyone’s voices. He could pick them out of a crowd if he needed.

That’s what he was doing now. Picking up on Sera shouldn’t have been hard. She was so loud. And her voice carried. He had easily picked her out before. Now he couldn’t. Why? It wasn’t fair! He’d done this so many times before. Found people when the Inquisitor was worried. When she couldn’t find someone or just wanted to make sure they made it back, but knew they wouldn’t want to see her. Why couldn’t he do it now!

He wanted to throw something. To hit the barrels beside him, instead he took a deep breath. The young man sat for a while, looking at the wall, calming himself. Varric had taught him how to do it. Sometimes he forgot to count and would just stare at the grains in the wood, following them like they were little rivers.

Cole sat on the barrel, legs crossed. Maybe he just had to relax. That’s what Dorian did when he wasn’t sure how to deal with people. Cole shook himself out, much like a puppy after the rain. He took two deep breaths and tried again.

All he had to do was find Sera. He heard The Iron Bull and then Krem. Sera wasn’t in her room, or near it. He let out a small annoyed sound. He hoped he didn’t have to search all of Skyhold for her. That would take a long time. She wanted to see him now. He shook those thoughts away and pushed a bit further.

Cassandra’s thoughts now. She was worried. The battle with Corypheus was coming. Everyone in Skyhold could feel it, the advisors had been preparing for it, but what if they won? What came next?

Cole moved past her. He found Cullen, then Sera! She was above the battlements looking over the carriages leaving the stronghold. Of course, she was! Cole mentally cursed himself as he hopped of the barrel and ran to sit with her. Where else would Sera be if not throwing something at carriages of the nobility that were visiting Skyhold?

He found a ladder that was rarely used by anyone other than the guards and climbed it. He was about a yard from Sera when he made it to the top. That was probably close enough. He’d let Sera come closer. When Varric had compared people to cats it was doubly true for Sera and Solas. Maybe it was an elf thing?

“Took ya long enough,” Sera muttered, cocking her arm back and chucking an egg at a carriage below.

“Sorry,” Cole apologized, lowering his head. When Sera didn’t respond, he continued. “It’s harder now. The hurt isn’t as loud now. I can’t always find people. This isn’t a roof.”

“It covers somethin’, don’t it?” Sera asked, tossing another egg.

Cole wrinkled his nose as a smell wafted up to them. “The eggs are dead?”

“Rotten? Yeah,” She sounded proud. “Nobody gonna use ‘em so I figure I can get rid of ‘em. Plus, piss off a few piss bags!”

“Why does that make them mad?” Cole asked. “A servant will clean it up later.”

“Yeah, but they don’t bring their big mess a servants when they come here,” Sera explained. “Expect us to have our own, ya see? So now they gotta sit in that while their fancy little carriage soaks up the smell. It gets into their primpy, frilly clothes and then it stews.” She burst out in laughter and Cole thought she was going to fall with how hard she was laughing.

“Did you want me to help?” Cole asked. He didn’t really like the way Sera made people feel better. She did it by making other people feel bad, it wasn’t something he wanted help with.

“Naw, I’m done here,” Sera said with a smile. “We’re gonna hit that Corphy-thing soon right?”

Cole blinked a few times before his face scrunched in an odd manner.

Sera watched him with an amused look. “You thinkin’ or somethin’?”

Cole nodded. He’d been doing that more often, he had to. He couldn’t always tell what people needed to hear. It was times like these he admired The Iron Bull. He didn’t have the ability to hear people, but he always seemed to know what they were thinking. After a few moments, he answered.

“Cassandra thinks so,” he said. “And Cullen.”

“Yeah? What about Inky?” Sera asked.

“She…she doesn’t want to,” Cole replied. “My people. My decisions. They trust me. I can’t. Can’t lead them. They’ll die. I’ll lose so many. My people.” He looked at his hands. “It used to make her happy, those words. Happy and scared. Now they just make her sad.”

“That sounds like her,” Sera said quietly. “She don’t like puttin’ other people at risk for her sake. ‘Member when we was fighting off them demons at Adamant? We fought our was through an she kept telling them wardens to watch the troops. Protect my troops. Make sure them soldiers make it out alive.” Sera shook her head. “No regards for her own life though. Puts that up for anyone who needs a hand.”

“She trusted us,” Cole said. “She knew she didn’t need them to protect her because she had us. You, me, and Solas.”

Sera shook her head. “Idiot.”

Cole tilted his head. She said harsh words, but she didn’t mean them. She said them with fondness. He wished he could hear what was hurting her. He knew there was something off, maybe not wrong, but something, once upon a time, he would have been able to fix. To heal.

“You got any plans, Creepy?” She asked suddenly.

“Plans?” Cole echoed, uncertainly.

“You know, those things you make? Cause people ask you what you want to do with your life an ya gotta tell ‘em somethin’ or they’re not gonna let you take a shite without complainin’,” Sera vented.

“Someone is bothering you?” Cole asked.

“That ain’t the point I was making,” She was getting frustrated now and he was confused. He wasn’t sure why she was angry. What had he said wrong? Why were people so confusing?

“I don’t understand,” He admitted.

Sera sighed and he thought she was going to make him leave. Instead she shook her head and tried again.

“Look, Creepy, I was wonderin’ what you were doin’ after this,” Sera said. “You’re real now. An you ain’t got a place to go.”

“Do you?” Cole asked. He wasn’t aware of Sera having somewhere to go back to.

“Ain’t. The. Point,” Sera replied stiffly.

“I’ll help people,” Cole replied quickly. He wasn’t sure if it was the answer Sera wanted, but that’s what he had always done. “It…will be harder now, but I’ll help them. I want to help them.” He looked to where the carriages were disappearing. “It won’t end though.”

“What won’t?” Sera asked.

“This. Not yet. Even after Corypheus. Lavellan wants to make the world better,” Cole explained. “Heal its hurt. Mend what Corypheus did. Fix the Wardens. She made them leave Orlais, but she didn’t forget. She remembers. She’s going to bring them back, not as wardens. Something different. Something with more…” he paused looking for the word, couldn’t find it, and tried again. “With less room for corruption. She wants to help everyone. Help Cassandra fix the Chantry, help Vivienne with the Circles. Lavellan won’t be finished. Not when we stop Corypheus. There’s still so much. It’s whirling around her head. Josephine’s too. Cullen wants to do other things. Help older Templars, the ones who can’t ignore the song. It’s too loud for them. It hurts. Makes them—“

“I get it, Creepy,” Sera said, tossing an egg in his direction. It wasn’t aimed at him, so he only flinched, going into what Lavellan like to call Rouge Mode. He was invisible to most, though Sera knew what to look for.

“You didn’t hit me,” he said becoming visible. “You didn’t want to.”

“If I’d have wanted to I would have,” Sera replied as she stood. He was surprised when she walked past him, coming within an arm’s reach without complaint. His hand tightened, he wasn’t sure why, but it reminded him of the arrow he held in his hand.

“Sera!” He said quickly, holding out the arrow. “I thought you would want this back.”

Sera plucked the arrow from his hands, twirling it. “Thanks, Creepy. Ya know, you aren’t so bad now.”

Cole beamed at her. It was the first time she had said anything like that to him and he was happy. It was a lovely feeling, light and fluffy. Warm like freshly baked bread.

She climbed down, but he stayed for a few more minutes, perched above the gate. He was watching the snow fall on some of the higher peaks. He liked it here. He was glad he stayed.


	6. ...Reunion

Cole was sitting on his bed. Honestly he didn’t use it as much as everyone wanted him to, but it was hard. He wasn’t used to sleeping, well, more used to it now, but sometimes no matter how tired he was he couldn’t sleep. Luckily, now was not one of the times he was supposed to be sleeping.

He liked his room. It was small, but it had large windows over-looking the garden that made him smile. He liked the garden, both to look at and to watch the people. He had learned a few things fairly quickly, one of them was that he could learn more about interacting by watching and then doing.

There were footsteps walking toward his door. They were soft, almost too hard to hear, but the worry from the Inquisitor was not. He could hear that loud and clear. Cole knew it was rude to listen. He had been told that many times, but there were times that it was impossible not to hear. This was one of those times.

Cole didn’t carry many hurts that were his alone. Sure, he had his body and that came with a world of hurts that he had been forced to get used to, but the emotional hurts? Not really. Only Rhys and Evangeline. He felt the Inquisitor’s worry touch his own hurt and he felt something inside him twist.

If the Inquisitor was here. Feeling worried about Rhys and Evangeline something could have happened to them. He felt his blood run cold, causing him to shiver as the Inquisitor knocked gently at the door.

“Cole?” Her voice was soft and gentle. No hint of worry showing through.

Before she could say any more Cole threw the door open. “Rhys? Evangeline? Are they hurt?”

He was almost more taken back by the strange sound of his own voice than the Inquisitor. It had cone something funny. While he was halfway through a word his voice had gotten louder. He knew what he was feeling, he’d felt it before. Though, thankfully, not to the extent of a full-blown panic attack. That had not been a good day.

“They’re alright, Cole,” the Inquisitor assured him. “But I thought you might like to see them. They’re in Skyhold right now.”

Cole looked at his feet. He remembered the letter Rhys had sent. He remembered him. He wondered if Evangeline would too. He wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, he did want to see Rhys. To talk like nothing had happened between them. On the other, he remembered how scared they had been of him. He didn’t want to see anyone afraid of him. Not again.

Lavellan was content to wait out Cole’s silence. She had expected something like this to happen. Cole needed time to think about what to do. It was just one of those things that everyone had to accept as he became more human.

After a few minutes Cole nodded, looking at her from under his hat. “Will you show me where they are?”

“Of course!” The Inquisitor chirped.

Cole smiled as she took his hand and led him away from his room. He liked comparing her to a bird. Especially the little brightly colored ones that zipped around the garden. That’s what she was like. She shone with the rift and the fade. Plus, she darted around just like those little birds, doing her best to make sure everyone had what they needed.

The bright afternoon sun reflected off the snow and no matter what he did he couldn’t get it to stay out of his eyes. The Inquisitor blinked a few times, but otherwise seemed unaffected as she led him to a sort of guest housing area. It was used for keeping royals away from the main castle as to not have them interfere with Inquisition work.

The Inquisitor knocked on the door and as they waited Cole felt the fear manifest into nervous twitching. He tugged and his shirt, then his hat attempting to hid himself even further behind the large brim.

What if Rhys and Evangeline didn’t want to see him? They didn’t know he was here, just like he wouldn’t have if Lavellan hadn’t come to him. What if they were afraid of him again? Just when he was about to run the door opened.

“Inquisitor, can I help you?” a man asked.

He didn’t look as young as Cole remembered. His black hair was almost grey now, but the voice was instantly recognizable. The former spirit must have made a noise because all of the mage’s attention was turned on him.

“I thought you might want to talk with an old friend of yours,” Lavellan said kindly as she gently pushed Cole forward.

Cole shuffled forward, almost tripping over his feet in the process.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” Rhys asked.

There was something familiar about the person in front of him, but he couldn’t place it. It was like an itch in the back of his mind, someone he should have recognized instantly, but here he was trying to put a name to the face.

“Your hat, Cole,” Lavellan said gently.

The name was all Rhys had needed to hear. “Cole? Where have you been? How did you get here?”

“I wanted to help,” Cole replied quietly, finally daring to look up at the taller man. He pouted a bit. Rhys was taller than him.

“Of course you were,” Rhys sounded almost amused.

“Rhys, what’s all the racket?” A woman’s strong voice floated to them. “Close that door, you’re letting the cold air in!”

“Evangeline!” Rhys sounded much too excited for his old age. “You’ll never guess who the Inquisitor has brought to our door.”

An aging woman, with long hair containing flecks of silver, walked up behind Rhys. Cole, finally gaining confidence, lifted his head to look her in the eye.

“Cole?” Evangeline asked then, before waiting for an answer, scooped him into a hug. “It’s been too long. We were worried about you.”

“Me?” Cole wasn’t able to hide his surprised.

“Yes, you,” Evangeline said, flicking his hat back playfully. “We didn’t know what had happened to you. We saved you from a nightmare, can’t we show a little concern?”

“Well, the three of you have some catching up to do, and Cullen is probably piling paperwork onto my desk as we speak. Don’t stay out too late, Cole,” Lavellan said with a wave as she skipped off to the stairs leading into the castle.

Now Cole felt odd. He didn’t know what to do. It had been so long since he’d seen his former friends that he had no idea what to do next.

Evangeline ushered him into their makeshift home as Rhys kept pace beside him.

“Cole, I never got to tell you,” Rhys said quietly. “You’ve been forgiven Cole. For what you did to the mages. You can go back to the fade if you’d like. I can help you.”

Cole ducked his head. Now he understood why the Inquisitor had been so eager to leave. She always had trouble explaining what he was. He was Cole, still him. She had a habit of getting frustrated easily.

“I…can’t.” Cole said quietly as Evangeline led him to the kitchen, then motioned for him to sit. “I’m not…like that. I’m not…a spirit.”

Rhys looked at Evangeline with a confused face to which Evangeline shrugged.

“You studied the fade, not me,” She reminded him. “This is a you problem. When some soldier comes to hurt him again it will become a me problem.”

Cole smiled despite his nerves. They still cared. What a wonderful feeling that was. It warmed him, much like being with the Inquisitor warmed Dorian. They were friends and this feeling, the one he would later learn come to know as comfort, felt nice.

Rhys sat beside Cole, looking at him the way Bull looked at a new puzzle or Solas looked at the fade. Like he was a puzzle.

“I’m not a spirt,” Cole said with a bit more confidence. He sensed Rhys’ question before it was asked so he simply continued. “Solas found an…amulet that could stop me from being bound. The mages were binding spirits. Making them Demons. I couldn’t. Didn’t want that. Not again. I won’t hurt the innocent. I won’t.” Cole closed his eyes and calmed himself. He could feel the slight anger some at himself for doing that before, but mostly at the wardens who had thought it was a good idea. “I didn’t want to be like that. So, the Inquisitor found an amulet. It let me stay me, but when they tried it didn’t work. Something was wrong. When we went to see, what messed it up...it hurt. Hurt me. I remembered. I remembered Cole. The real Cole. The one before me. The man we found. He was the Templar that left him in the spire. Cole…I starved to death and the man ran.”

Evangeline placed a small mug in front of Cole, between his elbows which were placed on the table. Cole took a small sip of the tea before Evangeline and Rhys also had cups. They were quiet as they waited for Cole to continue.

“He didn’t want to be a Templar after that. They made him something he didn’t want to be so he ran.” Cole explained. “He was the one who killed me…I was mad. I tried to…I tried to kill him…” he hung his head, ashamed that he had acted the way he had. At the time, he had been so angry, so…hurt. He wanted the Templar to hurt just as badly. “I tried to shoot him. With Varric’s crossbow. It locked. Wouldn’t fire. Then Varric said I couldn’t make the man forget. And I had to remember to.” He looked into his tea, not wanting to see either of his old friend’s faces. “It made me something more. I can learn now. I know why people hurt. I can’t fix the hurt the same way, but I can still help. They remember me. Then I remember too. I know that you have to listen to what comes from a mouth and not the head. People don’t like it when you talk about hurt when they’re thinking.”

“You can still hear people’s pain?” Rhys asked.

Cole nodded. “Yes. It’s harder now. I make noise too, but I can still hear. As long as I remember the fade. I can hear. I can help.”

Rhys looked at Cole with a soft expression. He never would have guessed the spirit he met all those years ago would have turned into this, but he was glad. There were so much worse fates out there for a spirit of compassion. He was thankful this one managed to find his way. It was an odd way, of course. Though he probably shouldn’t have been surprised. It was Cole after all.

The three of them talked for hours. Cole wasn’t sure how long really, but he enjoyed the stories his old friends told. He also like the teasing that flew between Evangeline and Rhys. It flowed between them as easily as it flowed between Dorian and The Iron Bull, though Rhys and Evangeline were much less graphic in their comments.

All-in-all he was both exhausted and happy when the evening ended. He had gotten to talk to Rhys and Evangeline. They weren’t afraid of him and that was enough to make his heart light. He almost considered skipping, but thought better of it when Vivienne gave him an odd look.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so. 1) Sorry this took so long to get out. Sera is a bit difficult to write. 2) I think this is my favorite chapter so far. 3) I will be posting another fic centered around Cole, but it will be a proper fic, with detail and beauty.


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